I think this is really the crux of it, isn’t it? If you usually conform to a traditionally gender-identifed role, but decide one day “No, I think today I feel like the nontraditional gender roles”, do you get all uncomfortable and avoid doing it because you feel like you shouldn’t….

Or do you just go ahead?

On the famous clothing front:

Do you *like* to wear lipstick, or are you *afraid not to* wear it?

For men: do you *dislike* skirts, or are you just afraid to wear them?

The same applies in bed, obviously. Honestly, most people I’ve ever heard of like to swap their ‘typical’ roles in sex at least *occasionally* or *experimentally*, so it’s kind of a good test: are you actually willing to do that when you realize that you want to?

Well, anyway, thanks for saying something which has been said before in many places. I swear people have an innate desire to force other people to act like them (heck, I know I do), and it’s rather hard to turn it off and remember that other people are *different* and *unpredictable* and you *don’t know what’s in their heads*.

It’s time to quit demanding generic equality and be specific about what you want. We should begin with removal of barriers that benefit either gender and instead allow people to get as close to their capacity for human experience as possible.

Political equality is obvious given – even though unfairly a lot of ignorant people will vote for McCain . . . I mean differently than me (the inequality that comes from one person one vote).

Physical and mental equality – let people perform to their capacity in math, science, art, and WTF – sports (as if they really matter). The emphasis should be on access and opportunity. Some people are more endowed than others, but the goal should be to allow people to achieve the highest level of their capacity.

Social equality – the reality is that women own this space. Men for the most part lead impoverished emotional and social lives compared to women – unless you think playing a round of golf at a men only club is somehow the peak of existence. Women have controlled this part of the culture in the modern era. Women can do whatever they want – they should allow some equality and let men have the same rights without holding it against them.

With regard the bedroom question – if you have to think during sex about equality then you need to rethink your sex experience. My mind is usually on my girlfriend’s experience and the moment – no matter who is on top or the bottom (and I will tell you right now – no sane person should really care). The equality should be in the enjoyment.

Or, another way: if feminism does harm (and it clearly does some harm), should we end feminism or reform it? If you think we should feminism, you’re probably opposed to feminism, and therefore not a feminist.

Feminism is a movement. I think it’s self-evident that someone who is fundamentally opposed to a movement and who is working to end it cannot be a part of that movement. One can be highly critical of the movement and/or its actions and/or its members, but as soon as one is actually working against the movement or working to end it, one is obviously no longer a member of that movement, regardless on one’s opinions about the movement’s stated ideals.

So, I’ll qualify my earlier statement: you’re a feminist in my book if you believe that men and women should be equal, that the gender system in unjust, that our freedoms, both legal and cultural, should not be dependent on our genitals, chromosomes, or our gender presentation, that every person has a sovereign right to reproductive justice, and if you’re not opposed to feminism. That qualification does seem kind of obvious, but it’s clearly important.

So, my answer to your question is, are the FC folks, as a blog and as individuals, opposed to feminism? I think the answer is different for each of you — I’d suspect that ballgame, for example, probably is a feminist in my book, while TS probably is not.

To clarify this distinction: I disagree with a lot of feminists. I think a lot of what passes as feminism is bullshit, both in the form of radical feminism and in the form of Jessica Valenti-style feminism (profoundly ignorant, racist, classist pro-straight-white-wealthy-Western-women-ism). I think feminism had a condemnable history or racism and that racism, classism, heterosexism and cissexism (is that a word? should be) continue in the movement today. I’m probably more closely aligned with Renegade Evolution, who of course does not identify as a feminist, than I am with most mainstream feminist blogger. The feminist thinker I most admire is bell hooks. Etc., etc.

But at the end of the day, I do share the goals of most mainstream feminist organizations (even if I have other goals, too), and “feminist” still seems like the most useful word to describe my gender politics (for now, anyway), and, though I disagree with much or even most of contemporary (straight white wealthy) feminist writing (the afore-mentioned Valenti, Linda Hirshman, etc), I rarely find myself opposed to feminist action. Therefore, though I’m very critical of feminists and feminism, I’m not opposed to feminism.

Hi aviva,

It sounds as dumb to me as it probably does to you, but the fact is that people are still sometimes judged on whether their personal choices are feminist enough. I think that’s what she means by the reversal of the “personal is political.”

You’re completely right — if it sounds like I disagree, that’s my fault for not being clear. This happens all the time; I was trying to criticize the fact that it happens and reject it, not deny that it happens.

if you’re opposed to sexism — if you believe men and women should be equal, that the gender system in unjust, that our freedoms, both legal and cultural, should not be dependent on our genitals, chromosomes, or our gender presentation, that every person has a sovereign right to reproductive justice — then you’re a feminist in my book,

I’m curious. Do you consider us, both as a blog, and as individual bloggers, to be feminists?

That brings up an interesting question: Is it ok to have sex for purposes other than personal enjoyment?